Am I too sensitive....?

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Permalink Reply by candystripper on July 2, 2008 at 12:46am

of course, we feel ya
well, I do
but, you know what...
confidence is key
you just gotta muster it up
because when you have confidence, you're invincible...
well, that's my take

But, yeah, I know what you mean.
I grew up in hicksville.
Sucked as hell, but made me a stronger person.
Make a negative to a positive =)
you'll be fine

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Permalink Reply by Ernie on July 2, 2008 at 10:33pm

Hi Jade! Where in the midwest are you? I agree with candystripper - it's all about the attitude. I think we all stick out in our own way, and I'm saying that being in California where there are a lot of Asians. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. If they're staring at you and going up to you and talking to you, it's not your problem - it's their hang up and they're the ones that need to get over it. You adapt with the situation and become a stronger person for it.

And all that said, it does get easier over time. It's not like you have a hump or anything. ;) And even if you did, that's okay too. Again, their problem, not yours. Own it. :D -E

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Permalink Reply by Rosa on July 9, 2008 at 11:11am

There's no rule on how sensitive you can or can't be. Just feel whatever you feel and don't beat yourself up about it.

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Permalink Reply by Josh on August 10, 2008 at 2:29pm

I grew up in Jacksonville, FL. It's a big navy town with few fully Asian families (lots of navy guys with Asian wives that don't speak english, though . . . not to poopoo them or anything). When my family (fully Chinese) went out in public we got lots of looks. My father still teases me about my most said line when I was young.

"They're looking at me!"

Of course that was said in Chinese and he got real tired of hearing it. Not to harp on the negative but in my teens through my twenties I was asked, by non-Asians, all sorts of question about anatomy and to verify incorrect perceptions of Asian customs etc. etc. I just wanted to get away from it all. I've only left florida a year ago and I've been able to be in a place where I'm not constantly bombarded with that kind of treatment.

It's difficult to make that negative situation a positive one. If someone is beating you, you don't necessarily stay and take it or even stay and fight. Maybe you could move out of the way or go somewhere you can be with people who are like minded and supportive.

For the time being I suggest not allowing people to disrespect you by marginalizing you or fetishizing you. You aren't an Asian liaison that will answer their ignorant questions. You are a person, the same as them and are deserving of proper behavior from those around you. DEMAND THAT PROPER BEHAVIOR. Even at the expense of creating a reasonably uncomfortable situation.

I have 2 regrets coming from a similar situation as you.

1. That I was thrust into the situation at all.
Most of us can't help this . . . .

2. That I was too young and too naive to demand respect/dignity when it was taken from me without reason.
Most of us are taught not to rock the boat. ROCK THE BOAT. DEMAND THE RESPECT. You can do it without being rude. It's achieved by being assertive. Practice it. You'll find out how much force will be needed to control a situation after the first few times.

I realize what I've said may be overkill for simple staring. Maybe for that kind of treatment going over and saying hi is all you need to do. The staring should stop immediately after. Maybe you'll make a friend.

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Permalink Reply by Richard Young on May 6, 2009 at 7:26pm

I also live in the Midwest. I am sure there are people who stare at me but that's ok because I'll give them the "what-the fuck-are-you-looking at?"

Also, you shouldn't be ashamed that you're the only asian/asian american?

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Permalink Reply by Ming on May 9, 2009 at 11:07am

I live in upstate NY, and used to get that all the time, too. It's died down a little, or at least, I notice it a lot less now.

I agree with both candystripper and Ernie, that it's all about confidence. In the way you walk, the way you stand, the way you talk. Really, not much else to it.

Every morning, I wake up and tell myself "Fuck what anyone else thinks" at least three times, and I apply that to everyone: Asians, non-Asians, un-supportive friends, nosy family members, etc. It helps.

Finally, my methodology's a little different than Richard's. I'll stare people down too, but will break it off with a "Hi" or "How are you?" and a smile. Different strokes for different folks.

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